Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
