just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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