I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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