Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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