On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
accomplished twins. life is a go
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
