Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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