hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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