the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
God, I missed his penis.
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