Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
