Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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