The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
