I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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