First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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