they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
