Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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