my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
