That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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