Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
