Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
