it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
