I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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