hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
