You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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