went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
