I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
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Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
