you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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