I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
