2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
