Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
