Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
