You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
