You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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