Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
