I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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