Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
