I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
someone get that fucking seahorse.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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