sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
