Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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