I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
