Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
