you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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