So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
pray to the hookup gods
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
