the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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