I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
