First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
