after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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