maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
