Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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