Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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