I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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