i barfeds in our rink
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
