I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
