there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
