Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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