i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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