You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
