Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
