she looked like the before picture.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
