obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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