peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
