Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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