I checked into jail on foursquare
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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