What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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