I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Umm I'm too high to move.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
