I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
