Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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