He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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