i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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