The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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