Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
