I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
