My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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