I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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